Depression is a boa constrictor. It creeps silently around your mind, slowly but steadily subduing it until it begins to gasp for breath, to a point when all you desire is to die in its grasp. That is what I have been feeling for some days now. It is one thing to hunt for a job with a friend, and quite another to wallow in self-pity when your friend gets the job and you get rejected. Old enemies are now prosperous.
I considered myself to be the hero in the story, and in true Bollywood style, I am the underdog and my worst enemies are the most prosperous ones. And thanks to Bollywood, I also have a lady love to support me, but hey, when enemies are zeroing on the hero, he cannot romance with all his heart. Now the heroine has to be much more prosperous than the hero. So she is rich, but not much. She is rich enough to make plane trips and bring me gifts from faraway exotic lands. The parents of the hero have to be poor with a lot of economic troubles. He has to have a brother who is troubled and the hero is expected to put aside his own problems to help his brother. Now the hero should also have a sister who is being harassed by some rowdies. But somehow that has not happened (yet?).
Jokes are the only thing that keep me sane, though alcohol, cigarettes and drugs do keep beckoning me. I have been a stickler for health since my childhood, which is probably why I keep falling sick very often. So I have easily avoided all those addictive stuff. I have trouble sticking to my train of thought and when I do it more depressing than ever.
Depression, perfectionism, jealousy, superiority complex, bipolar mood disorder, and a low self-esteem.... a nice potent combination for suicide.....
God save the hero!!